Nope. No cake.
There are a lot of things I can’t have anymore – some of the more unusual picks include sausages, steak sauce and most kinds of porridge – and this seems to baffle most.
Here’s the thing – gluten makes me ill. Therefore, I don’t eat gluten. Simple.
It’s not that horrifying (even though I can’t eat cake… I’ll give you a minute to get over it). In fact, I’ve never felt better (aside from the aching muscles from running). You all know that cutting carbs cuts out the bloated tummy, right? Well, that’s pretty much all that gluten is! The only carbs I can eat are potatoes and rice really.
There are some lovely gluten-free products – they are all sweet things though, which does get frustrating when actually you want something savoury – and despite the expense, a lot of them are pretty damn tasty.
Tips to eating gluten-free
- Eat anything Mrs Crimbles – it’s all good (though high on the calorie count)
- Avoid most gluten-free breads unless you toast it. The best to choose is Genius seeded bread*
- Avoid pretty much all the Warburtons stuff, apart from the muffins – they’re ridiculously good
- Don’t overcook gluten-free pasta – it turns to mush
- Dry biscuits like shortbread are your best bet, but if you’re having cookies, leave them to soften a couple of days and they’re better. Oh, and never dip into tea. Disasters all around
- Check all sauces – gluten is hidden in the most ridiculous places
- Yes, even chips (fries for you American folks) and soups have gluten. Check!
- Order your food shop online. It’s got better ranges than most shops
- Don’t bother “grabbing a bite to eat” from the Food to Go shelves. None of it’s gluten free – unless you’re on a fruit-only diet
- Buy yourself ground almonds to use in baking – and eat at once (gluten-free stuff doesn’t last overnight, trust me)
*If you, like me, love eggy bread, make it with supermarket-own white bread, which usually comes in vacuum-packed bags.
Some questions you will get when you go gluten-free
- Can you eat peanut butter?
- Does that mean you can’t eat cake?
- What about pasta/noodles?
- Can you… like… eat Weetabix?
- Is this okay for you? (this is a repeated question – all the time in fact)
- Could you die if you ate bread?
- If I gave you £50, would you eat some of this pizza?
- What about cheese?
- What do you do without cake!?
- What’s gluten? (It’s more worrying when you hear this from a waitress you’re ordering dinner from)
You’ll also get called celeriac (IT’S COELIAC**!) an awful lot and be asked if you’ve been gluten-free all your life whenever you mention it (no, I haven’t I’m afraid).
So there you have it; I’m gluten-free. Welcome to the gluten-free life.
Now I’m off to chow down on some gluten-free cherry bakewells.