Well, NaNoWriMo is turning out to be a massive fail for me. Today, to catch up to where I should be, I need to write 15,000 words to even get a look-in. Let’s face it, when I was 14 and had nothing better to do (I was a very dull 14-year-0ld) I could punch out 15K in a single day without any worries.
Now the thought of 15,000 words overwhelms me. My NaNo-brain goes from this:
It’s entirely my fault, I’ll admit it. I made the “mistake” of being out on the first day of NaNoWriMo, quickly followed by more “mistakes” – going out socialising, going for runs (in the dark, not so fun) and crashing my car. I am the Queen of Procrastination, as we have well-established. So when, after a long day at work, I am faced with the choice between trying to write in a house where I can either share the kitchen table with the food, family and evening’s activity, or hide in my room balancing my laptop on my knee as I try to mash the pillows into something resembling a comfortable sitting position on my bed; or I can sit gormlessly in front of the TV being handed cups of tea and bars of Wispa, I know which one I will choose.
Now the Wispa’s are all eaten, and the weekend TV is a poor choice between X-Factor (which gives me The Rage), or badly made straight-to-DVD films (or Christmas films, which also give me The Pre-December Rage), I really have no excuse.
My inner editor has been going bonkers with every word I write so far – and I’m frightened that the final result will be completely unusable rubbish and I would rather burn it than admit I’d ever written it, but I have 15K to write and there’s no time for reflection (since when was there time for reflection in NaNoWriMo).
After my careful (ish) plotting pre-NaNoWriMo, I have a pretty good idea where the story needs to go. It’s just a matter of writing and keeping my fingers crossed that my characters will do what I want them to (unlike my tenses which are a hot mess).
But it seems to be that every time I sit down and write it comes out as badly-written pompous fluff, whereas in my head it sounds like prose worthy of the Nobel Prize in Awesomeness (there is no such thing, but there should be).
This is genuinely my idea of NaNoWriMo Hell: 15,000 words short, my inner editor going mental, and a story of potentially astounding rubbishness. But I guess that’s what NaNo is for – to discover what you as a writer can do, and what you can’t.
Will everything work out okay? Will I ever be able to stay in one tense for a whole chapter?
Will my characters have to mysteriously disappear for a while until I make up my mind if I like them or not?
Who knows… it’s NaNoWriMo Hell.